Lent in the 21st Century

Lent.  It doesn’t matter what religion you adhere to, or what your personal beliefs are, but unless you are a hermit, you understand what this word represents.  Now, don’t view this piece of writing as a guilt trip to remind people that Lent is upon us and we need to be practicing the sacrificing and no red meat on Friday’s thing.  Regardless of the fact that I’m Catholic, I promise to not impart any of my Catholic guilt on you, dear reader.

No, the reason I bring up Lent is because in my 27 years of existence, the world around me has changed, obviously.  The amount of celebrity gossip has increased, the general interest in politics has decreased, and the overall lifestyle of my generation is considerably different than that of my parents.  And that includes the concept of sacrifice for Lent.

Lent in the 21^st Century

For me the biggest misconception about Lent is that everyone feels that they need to do something profound in order to fulfill the spirit of the season, which is to sacrifice a certain comfort.  Think of it as a mulligan for your New Years resolution.  Now, having that mentality is great.  The 40 days of sacrifice is supposed to represent the 40 days Jesus spent in the desert without any sustenance, so it is an apt correlation that Christians fast from certain comforts for 40 days as well.

In discussing what they were sacrificing, many people I talked to named these very big, very general comforts they were giving up.  No eating out.  No smoking.  No drinking.  No TV.  No swearing.  The list goes on and on.  The problem, in my eyes, lies in the very idea of a sweeping declaration like that.  There is nothing specific, nothing defined, just a plain statement saying I’m giving up this.

Maybe it’s possible for people to do that.  To simply remove yourself from what it is you are giving up.  After all, temptation is only amplified by having what you are determined to give up be easily accessible to you.  Though, that could result in hermit-like behavior, and people would just think you’re strange.

But maybe the real reason people are turned off by the concept of Lent is because they fail to understand the very word that is supposed to represent the season: sacrifice.  Sacrifice is defined as:

• Forfeiture of something highly valued for the sake of one considered to have a greater value or claim

The common person translation would essentially be:

• Give up something important for someone who is of greater importance to you 

Just because you’re giving something up doesn’t mean it has to be a complete disownment of the very thing you sacrifice.  Just make it specific.  You say you’re not going to drink during lent?  Why not place a limit on the amount you drink, by saying I am limiting myself to one night a week where I can.  Not eating out?  Why not define what you allow yourself to eat, by saying I will not eat anything deep fried if do eat out.

Now I’m sure plenty of people are going to be up in arms about this idea of placing limits, instead of going straight up cold turkey for Lent.  But this is the world we live in now, and either way you look at it, you are still making a sacrifice.  Don’t get me wrong, having a very strong and resolute constitution is admirable in this day and age, but sadly many people, this writer included, often waver in the goals and sacrifices we set out to achieve.  So perhaps it is better to take those baby steps into what you are wanting to give up.  You get accustomed to it, are able to handle the gradual change a little better, as opposed to doing an immediate detox.

Regardless of your sacrificial preference, the important thing is still to test yourself.  Lent may not be the commercialized season that Christmas is, though fast food places certainly have attempted to make it so.  Fish filet Fridays at McDonalds anyone?  But it is still one of the most trying of seasons, regardless of your religious beliefs.  Last year, my roommate, a very devout atheist, gave up being an asshole to me for Lent.  No religious association with it, he just wanted to see if he could.  It is a season of personal challenge.  So this year for Lent, challenge yourself.  Make a sacrifice. Cut back on parts of the lifestyle you live.  And maybe we can recapture what the meaning of Lent is in the 21^st century.

*What are you challenging yourself with this year for Lent?  Feel free to post in the comments section below*

Taking the Sin Out of Sin City

So for the past three years, my best friend Tony and I have taken a trip someplace awesome.  Three years ago was San Diego.  Two years ago was Hawaii.  And this past year was Las Vegas.  These trips have come to be known as the annual Rick and Tony Go Somewhere Awesome trip.  The company Tony works for has a regional meeting every year, and they always get to bring a plus one.  I have been fortunate enough to have owned the 'Plus One' title for the past three years.  Since we have graduated high school, we have both gone our own ways in our education and lives, so it’s great to have these trips to enjoy the friendship that we have cultivated since he moved to my hometown in 4^th grade.

The great thing about trips like these is that we never know what sort of adventures we will embark on.  San Diego turned into a dance party with his co-workers.  Hawaii was being there a full five days before his meeting, where we stayed at a hostel and met some truly amazing people from all over the world.  And this year in Vegas, it turned into the most epic trip we have ever taken, which included meeting Evander Holyfield, me wearing a dress, Tony singing karaoke (he hardly ever does), and more memories than can be counted.   While Vegas might be known as Sin City, this past trip showed that it’s entirely possible to have the time of your life, without sacrificing your morals or your bank account.

Taking the Sin out of Sin City

When people think of Las Vegas, they usually think of a few words that describe the city:

• Gambling
• Prostitution
• Drinking
• More gambling

For the inexperienced traveller, Vegas puts a unique sort of pressure on them to see as many of the sights they can: Ceaser’s Palace, the fountains at the Bellagio, the canals at the Venetian, Freemont Street, the top of the Stratosphere.  There are simply too many attractions vying for your attention, that it is impossible to see them all and get the chance to truly enjoy them.  Vegas is the perfect playground for a person with ADD.

Now this was the 3^rd time Tony and I have been to Vegas.  While we might not exactly be veterans of Las Vegas Blvd, we have seen plenty of these attractions, and were able to sufficiently keep our wits about us.  Or at least as much of our wits as alcohol would allow.   Now even though this was our 3^rd time there, it was the first time both of us have been single in Vegas.  In the lead up to it, we both had the idea that we were going to own the strip.  Wingmanning would be added to the Merriam-Webster dictionary as a verb after we were done with this trip.  At least, that’s what we thought.

Our friend Amy,  who was out there for the 7^th time, has been a close friend of ours since middle school, and her being out there with us added a whole new wrinkle to what Vegas would turn into.  You know those people who have an energy about them that permeates through the room as soon as they walk through the door?  That’s Amy in a nutshell.  Spunky, spontaneous, experienced, well-travelled, I can honestly say that she was the catalyst that made this past trip to Vegas as epic as it was.

When Tony and I hang out, we are pretty much unstoppable.  But that’s what happens with anyone’s best friend.  You understand each others nuances, sense of humor, past experiences, etc, and it makes the two of you more of a dynamic duo than Batman and Robin.  Add Amy to that cauldron full of awesome?  Better have your camera ready because you haven’t seen anything like it before.

What most people fail to realize about Las Vegas is that what makes a trip there great is not how much you gamble, how much you drink, how much sun  you get, or what shows you see.  It’s about the people you go with.  As I’ve said, Amy, Tony, and I have a chemistry between us that is a system of checks and balances.  When one is getting tired, the other two are there to pick that person up and urge them to keep going.  We are each others cheerleaders, each others wingmen, and each others voice of reason.  Those are the people you want to spend your vacation in Vegas with.  Someone wants to go ziplining down Freemont street?  The other two are there to give them a push off the platform.  Someone wants to check out the Da Vinci exhibit at the Venetian?  The other two happily oblige because they’re history and science nerds.  Our motto for the trip was ‘Leave No Man Behind’.  Except when Tony had to retire early because he had meetings in the morning; that was mostly forgivable.

Simply because  you are out in Vegas doesn’t mean you need to engage in all the vices that are lined up like a buffet.  Want proof?

• The amount the three of us gambled COMBINED: $10
• The number of times we had a random hook-up: 0
• The number of times we went to a club: 0
• The number of times we started a dance party at a random bar: 3
• The number of new friends we made from said dance parties: 10

The thing to take away from Vegas is not how much you won, how much you lost, how many hook-ups, celebrity encounters, or cases of Corona you drank.  It’s about the memories made that will stick with you for the rest of your life.  Here are just a few snapshots of those memories:

The view from our hotel room 

Told you I met Holyfield 

Closest we'll get to $1 million in cash

Myself, Amy, and Tony

Told you I wore a dress (and no, I am not a cross dresser) 

How many times can you say that you've seen a Cirque de Soleil show, started a dance party at New York New York, sang acoustic karaoke, gotten lost on Las Vegas Blvd, found your friends, hung out until 5AM, and did all that in one night while wearing a dress?  If so, my hat is off to you.  Not trying to sound too cliche, but I guess 3^rd time really is the charm.  Even though I know I will go out to Vegas more times in the future, I don’t know if any will be able to top the time we took the Sin out of Sin City.

What are your experiences that have been elevated into the upper echelon of your memories?  Feel free to post in the comment section below.

The How I Met Your Mother Anthology

So I realize I haven't quite been as vigilant as I should have been regarding my blogging, but I figure I can blame the holidays and my most recent trip to Las Vegas on my lack of posting.  That is not to say that I have been completely idle as far as my writing goes.

One of my favorite TV shows as of late is How I Met Your Mother.  I started watching it about a year and a half ago, and have since watched the entire series at least three times.  One of the things I love about the show is how the main character's (Ted's) quest for The One is eerily similar to my own.  And while watching it this past Thanksgiving, I began to write about different episodes and their correlations to events in my life.  Each essay includes a summary of the episode, my experience that relates to it, and the moral that can be learned.  It's far too long a project to include every single episode I've been writing about, and it is in no way complete.  But this is just to give you a small taste of my work in progress.  Please note that a lot of the people I talk about are very dear to me, and I have changed their names to respect their privacy.  So in that vein, here is the first public exposure of The How I Met Your Mother Anthology.

Return of the Shirt (Season 1: Episode 4)

Summary:  In going through his closet, Ted comes across this old shirt that he hasn’t worn in years.  He tries it out on the gang who immediately compliment him on it.  He starts thinking that the shirt may be a metaphor for his dating life, and begins thinking of his past girlfriends and which one may have been the one, but he just didn’t see it at the time.  He narrows it down to Natalie, a girl he broke up with over the answering machine.  On her birthday.  Where there was a surprise party waiting for her.  In her apartment.  Do these writers know how to set up the most awkward situations possible, or what?  So he gets a hold of her, convinces her to start dating again, and they have an enjoyable three weeks together.  And that’s when Ted realizes again that she’s not ‘the one’.  He confronts her and saying that while she’s great, the reason for breaking up is ineffable.  Natalie is quite upset that she isn’t ‘effable’ enough (don’t you just love word play?) and proceeds to beat the crap out of Ted.

Backstory:  In the three years that I’ve been single since my ex-fiancé and I broke up (that story is coming later), I’ve spent my life doing what every single guy enjoys: hanging out with friends, going to bars, and forming relationships with numerous girls.  Some of them lasting, some of them dropping out of my life, and some of them a mixture of the two.  Being the hopeless romantic I am, I’ve always wondered if any of them could have been ‘the one’ but the time and place just wasn’t right for it.  If you look at my track record with girls I have been involved with, you’ll notice a distinct pattern.  Most of them have had family issues.  Divorced parents, single mom, attachment issues, the usual stuff people like one of my influences (Tucker Max; don’t be hating) would pounce on.  Now I’m not trying to slander any of these women for the situation they grew up in.  I was blessed with a household where my parents are still together after 25 plus years.  All these women are amazing in their own right.  It’s just that this is the type of person I fall for.  But looking back, there were a handful of girls who I was with who didn’t fit that mold.  They were the right balance of intelligence, beauty, and stability: LadyA, IrishRed, and GamerGirl.

LadyA

LadyA was a girl I had met at karaoke a few years ago.  I would see her out every once in a while, loved beer, had a killer singing voice, and was the kind of person you could just talk to in a completely platonic manner.  About a year after meeting her for the first time, I was going to be having a karaoke party at my place and invited her to come.  She was cute, and for a single guy to be hosting a karaoke party at his house, the more hot and single girls there are, the better.  My first tip off that she was into me was when she accidentally sent the following text to me on accident:

‘It’s the hot surfer guy from karaoke’

Why not paint a bull’s-eye on this one, and say 'Go'?  She wasn’t able to make it that night, but we made plans to get together the next Wednesday at karaoke.  We ended up hanging out for a few months while she was finishing up college, talking about our respective career paths, family, movies, politics, etc.  She was one of the most well informed people I had ever met.  I am pretty good at holding my own in a meaningful conversation, but this girl challenged my intellect to the max.  Sadly, this spring fling we had ended in May when she graduated and started her job the following week in Chicago.  But I was left with this:

‘When you move to Chicago, and if we’re both single, maybe we can try it again”

Patience may be a virtue to some, but for me, it’s just another roadblock that’s kept me from pursuing something special.  It sucks.

IrishRed

IrishRed was a completely chance encounter.  It was my friends birthday, and he was having a get together at a restaurant where some of his close friends and fantasy football buddies were going to enjoy dinner and drinks.  I showed up a little late because of a rehearsal, but I made it there all the same.  I introduced myself to those who I didn’t know, one of them being IrishRed.  She worked with the birthday boy's girlfriend, and was cool enough to hang out with.  We chatted for a while before she had to leave, as she was running a marathon the next day.  I managed to get her number before she left, wished her luck at the race the next day, and went on to drink with everyone else.

I texted her every once in a while, just to see where it might go.  I invited her to a reading that my theatre company was holding, and to my honest surprise, she showed up.  You know those moments where you impulsively invite someone to an event, but with the expectation that they won’t really show up?  Well she shattered that notion.  For the next couple of weeks, we would hang out every once in a while, I picked her brain about what she wanted to do, what her family was like, where she got the knack for baking (she is phenomenal at it by the way), she came to a play I was in where she met my mom and sister.  That is a rarity for the girls I’m into, so ladies, if you meet any of my family, things are going well.  Unfortunately, we never panned out, mostly because as great as she was, there was that spark and spontaneity that was missing.  Sadly, just because things are right on so many levels, sometimes those levels aren’t deep enough to sustain a relationship.

GamerGirl

Oh GG.  Where do I begin with you?  Like LadyA, I met her at karaoke one night.  And similarly, I would see her out every once in a while, had a great voice, and is about as genuine a human being as you can find.  My first foray with her was for the karaoke party that LadyA wasn’t able to attend.  She was into me, and I was into her.  But one my friends was also pretty enamored with GG at the time.  Being the good guy that I am, I had to turn her down, so as not to lose a friend in the process.

After that party, we kind of went on hiatus from each other, as I was starting to get into LadyA, and by the time the summer came around, I had another girl I was starting something with.  It wasn’t until almost a year after that party that me and GG really hung out again.  We started small, doing karaoke and other shenanigans, and then progressing towards the point where it became the whole John Travolta-Olivia Newton John summer romance from Grease.  And this girl is cool.  Aside from her mild obsession with mythological fan fiction, she is totally into movies, is a video game aficionado, came from an unbroken and loving household, swore like a sailor, and could talk to you about anything.  She is hands down one of the most genuine and truly good individuals I know.

But like Grease, when it turned colder, that’s where it would end.  So I told her, we’d still be friends.  Sorry, there was no true love vow.  And I’m honestly surprised we’re still friends now.  It wasn’t because the distance made us grow apart.  It was the way I left Iowa City without saying goodbye.  I took the cowardly route and simply up and left.  I didn’t want to face my friends and tell them goodbye, especially after five great years of living in Iowa City.  It was this action that almost caused me to lose her forever.  It’s not something I’m proud of.  In fact, that may have been the most cowardly thing I have ever done in my 27 years of existence.  But time worked it’s magic, and we are still close friends after everything.  This relationship and its fallout proved to me that miracles do happen…or that I am the biggest kiss-ass and apologetic bullshitter of all time.

Moral:  Each of these girls brought something similar and something new to the table, yet I never fully pursued any lasting relationship with them.  Maybe it’s because I wasn’t truly ready for a long-term commitment, knowing full well I was moving to a city of six million people.  Maybe it’s because I was looking for their flaws.  Maybe it’s because there’s something about finding a damaged girl and wanting to be the white knight.  Regardless, like Ted’s shirt, when I look back at these three, I see something that although might not have looked right at the time, sure seems like a good fit now.  Way to go Past Rick, you botched the easy lay-up.  No wonder coach never put you in 4^th quarter.

The Spirit of Christmas

With Christmas being only less than a week away, it's been hard to really concentrate on the season at hand with the tragedy that recently happened in Newtown, CT.  No amount of words can really put into perspective how devastating this event is to our nation, and to the families who lost loved ones.  I'm not about to try to say how horrible this event is, or whether there needs to be a renewed debate for gun control, or any other of the numerous topics that have been thrust into the spotlight.  I most certainly have never been subjected to the kind of emotions that those families are currently feeling, and pray I never have to.  My friend Will offered a good perspective of it in his latest blog, which you can find here.

But for me, while these events are certainly fresh in the minds of everyone, it is still the Christmas season, and I wanted to get a chance to write about what truly makes this time of year special.  It is my hope in reading this, that we are able to take stock in what we have, and to cherish those times and memories we spend with our families, realizing that at any moment they can be taken away.  While many of us are still shell shocked from this tragedy, let ourselves to be reminded what this time of year usually means for everyone, and maybe we can allow ourselves just a little bit of an escape from the hectic world we live in.  Happy holidays, and enjoy.

The Spirit of Christmas

Snow covered sidewalks.  Windows with lights.  Reindeer on the front lawns.  It’s the pure embodiment of the Christmas season.  Something that is to be viewed as a time to get together with those you care about, share the memories of seasons past, and enjoy an atmosphere that for a brief, shining moment, puts all the differences and disagreements aside.  Well, that is what the season is supposed to be about.  It seems nowadays, Christmas is more of a stress-inducing holiday than the one we knew growing up.  There are gifts to buy, parties to attend, travel plans to be arranged, and making sure your mother-in-law approves of the cheesecake you made for the family Christmas gathering.  We all spend so much time worrying about how we will be presenting ourselves, that it feels like the spirit of Christmas has really become the popularity contest of Christmas.

When I was growing up, Christmas was something special.  My family and I would go to this little shopping bazaar, where my three younger siblings and I would pick out gifts for us kids and our parents, take them home, wrap them in a room separate from each other so we wouldn’t know what we were getting, and place them all under the tree, not knowing what my diabolical little brothers might have thought I would enjoy that particular year.  Granted, those Lifesavers storybooks were great when I was 8, but when you’re 14 and still getting them, that’s a little overboard.  But it was something we all got to do as a family.  It brought us all together for a common goal: to make our family Christmas the best one yet.

But that was almost 20 years ago.  Times change.  People change.  This is the first year where not one of us four kids is living at home.  I’m acting in Chicago, my younger brother is going to grad school in Florida, and my youngest brother and sister are off in college, at schools at least 3 hours away from my hometown.  And to be honest, that distance from everyone seems to make this season a little less welcoming than it used to.  Maybe it’s because we’re finally adults who have to make a living on our own.  Or possibly because it’s the week before Christmas and Chicago still has yet to have any snow on the ground.  Call me old fashioned, but growing up in northern Iowa, if there wasn’t snow on the ground for Christmas, it was a disappointment.

Either way, the idea of families together at Christmas is one of the staples that make the entire holiday season truly special.  You get a chance to reconnect in a way that makes time move just slow enough.  Granted, maybe you’re not a big fan of certain people in your family and can’t stand being in a room with them for one hour, let alone one day.  But for me, one day is what I feel is needed to truly enjoy everyone, getting a chance to sit around over a meal, banter back and forth about school, or the Vikings playoff chances, or why they thought giving you a pawned copy of Due Date as a present was a good idea.  You get to feel like a family again.

Now let me pose this question: why is it that people use only the Christmas holiday to feel like they need to act like better people?  As we all know, Santa knows who’s naughty, he knows who’s nice, and he knows who the bitter pricks are.  But for the minority of people who DON’T believe in Santa, why do we all take this time to give to charities, say yes to holiday parties, and just behave better in general?  The cliché response is that it shouldn’t just be around this time of year, but it should be a year round behavior we should emulate.  Now, don’t get me wrong, I completely agree with that sentiment.  However, the reality of the situation is that the majority of people think that they just aren’t able to afford the holiday spirit year round.  And that, for those of you who may not realize, is complete bullshit.

The idea of the spirit of Christmas is not some commercialized way of saying Thank You, or I Love You, with Furbies, or Uggs, or Tickle Me Elmo’s.  The spirit of Christmas, to me anyways, is to be kind and considerate of others, and wanting to do the best for them that you can.  Gifts are nice, but are not the only thing that can communicate that feeling of caring.  How else do you explain why Christmas Cards are so popular?

There is a picture my parents took when I was probably about 4 years old, where I am holding onto this little John Deere tractor Christmas tree ornament.  That, for me, is a picture that truly captures the joy of Christmas.  Not a Power Wheels (which were a BIG deal back then), not a GI Joe, and not even a new sled.  A simple little Christmas ornament.  That’s all it took for me to be completely content.

It may be a little bit cliché, but one of my fondest wishes for this Christmas season is that everyone can find that one memory that allows them to be completely content.   Whether it’s sledding with your siblings, seeing your extended family for dinner, or just a walk down a snow covered street with the ones you love, remembering and enjoying those memories are part of my grown-up Christmas list.  Happy holidays everyone, and Merry Christmas.

*What is your favorite Christmas memory?  Feel free to share in the comments section below*